Havra, where have you been?! Well, let me tell ya a story.

I love Point Blank. I love speedruns. 

But how did I get here? How did I get to volunteering at ASM? And why has it been such a big deal for me to actually do a speedrun? 

When I was about 10 my brother got the light guns and the game for our PS1. The PS1 release has the arcade version, a select level training area and a Quest mode. The Quest mode alone, being the era of JRPG what forced you to go back and forth for no real reason, was enough for anyone playing to 'git gud'. I would lie in the prone position on the fold out lounge in front of my family's old CRT trying to be as fast and accurate as possible. The light guns also worked well for pretending to be Yuna from FFX-2, not that I ever braved doing that outside of my bedroom. 

I also used to bring this game out for AVCon for the free play, one year using the game as a part of the Ultimate gamer challenge I was running where, despite the challengers, I remained, undefeated. *you may clap now*

Cut to 2026, I had my friends Alecat and Nicosar around for dinner and Alecat was needing to prepare for Lady Arcaders April Fools Microthon event, an April Fools joke delivered with perfect execution with marathon submissions open and the event completed within 5 days. Both of us as lightweights with a nice glass of wine, decided to record a run of me playing Point Blank too. Having then completed my first run with an event streamed from the comfort of my own home, I was encouraged to submit this video for ASM as well. 

Now I must confess at this point in 2026, I knew well of AusSpeedruns. I have been watching the event on and off for the past 11 years. Prior to the first event, I remember a heart-to-heart conversation with Softy, the one who went on to start gathering people and begin building what would become AusSpeedruns. In my patchy recollection, I remember talking about speedruns and reminding my friend that they are amazing and capable of creating amazing things. 

I then followed my new nursing career to the countryside and began the fall out from nerd events running and the social group attached to it. By the time I was at PAX 2015 I felt like the only role I could perform was supporting my friends panel by getting hype as they tried to jump butt-first up those Super Mario 64 stairs.

All of this to say to be at this event as a volunteer and speedrunner was a little odd at first because I felt a familiarity to the group without feeling like I truly knew anyone. In a way, everyone felt like a celebrity to me. 

Now I can't continue this ramble without talking more about one major influence: Alecat. 

Since having a child and coming out of that lockdown state, both due to COVID and baby, I did what new mothers do and reflect who I was and how I could reconnect to that sense of self. At this time, I remember reaching out to Alecat and Nicosar leading to one of my favourite heartwarming memories I have coming out of that postpartm haze: the two of them in a passionate debate over something inane while cooking dumplings in my kitchen. 

So in 2023, I went to ASM as an attendee to watch Alecat and going to the event I found other friends that I had lost connection with over the years. Then it went it a step further in 2025 where we spent much of the year commiting to developing our art, laughing and creating her long-standing PAX panel dream. Alecat's encouragment and support is why I am at a place where I feel I can even call myself an artist. Whenever we catch up we always seem to find a point where we just look at what we are making and go: hell yeah. this is so cool. we are cool. 

And if you haven't watched the speedrunning "If you are the runner" Panel, you should: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7qqwywWAyHo 

What I am trying to point out is, if it wasn't for Alecat I wouldn't have *flailing gestures to all the art and all the games*. 

Without wishing to dwell on it, 2014 onwards was where my mental health took its dramatic downward turn. Everything in my life at that point was overwhelming and I was not coping with the environment I had found myself in.  Looking back I can see many things in my life prior that had continubted and pre-desposed me for ill-mental health but 2014 was the fall. By the end of 2015, I had started the process of healing but at times I still catch myself resting on the bruise from what was that era of my life. 

I mentioned in an earlier post about Hollow Knight how I had believed at this time of my life that I would never be good enough at games to play a metroidvania. Same goes for speedruns, I had formed the belief that I had to be at a certain level in order to be worthy of even participating. I felt like a complete imposter with no value so going into this event, I was scared of hurting again and scared of not being good enough. 

But of course, that isn't what happened. The event was far greater than any of my pain and has been an absolute highlight of my year. 

I saw Softy again and got a quick chance to chat. His memory of that heart-to-heart conversation all those years ago was slightly different from mine in that he recalls that I was the one who raised the idea in conversation to do a speedrun marathon event. It meant a lot to know the postive effect I had when I was blind to any good I had to give the world.  

I am so grateful to be in a position where I can return to things I love and ASM next year is gonna be sickkkk.

Be good, 

Havra 

The last month and a bit has been such a blur and absolutely wonderful. 

After not tabling for a year I placed my hand up for more events and suddenly found myself with 4 event acceptances over a 5 week span! ahhh! 

All of these events were amazing. 

Adelaide Artcade Mini was such a wonderful starting event and I was so grateful to return to a familiar environment. I tabled next to my dear friend and fellow artist Chenonetta Creations (https://ale.chenonetta.com/) She does all the amazing things check it out! 

Bewitched was a breath of fresh air and very healing. It was my first attempt at doing an outdoor market and I couldn't have had a better host for the occasion. I felt as though I was at rest while at the Bewitched table, prefect weather, perfect company. The Three of Cups teahouse in the city is an amazing place (https://threeofcupsadl.square.site/) go see them!

Homebrew was unexpected addition but so very welcome! I placed my application and was taken off the waitlist with enough time to participate in some of the collaborations. The organisers and volunteers of Homebrew left me in awe. This was the first year running and they had the theme prefect, everything set up with no issues and everything a vendor needed to be supported. I was next to lovely Emily (blubbermouth) and had such a wonderful time with them, please go see them: https://blubbermouth.carrd.co/ 

Homebrew also has a Merch site that features the colouring book I drew some art for here: https://homebrewadl.square.site/ 

Over these events I had return customers and people who even remember me from events I did in 2024! I was so grateful to have the support and love. It encouraged me to make more art for them. 

The Kaleidoscope Butterflies I have been making did well and has encouraged me to always have something Pride at my art tables. At first I was concerned about how they may be received but have found that they brought the most interesting people to my table. I started to have conversations around identity and created new butterflies to fit those I have met on this journey. 

All this has left me wanting more. I want to make more art, I want to connect and I want to be present this way more often. Here's hoping I get more opportunities. 

Be good,

Havra. 

Recent reflection has me ruminating about communication and how I still feel stuck in 2010. Or at least, the 2010s online language. 

I have social media and I recognise the patterns that people create in their posts, how the algorithm seems to shift them past my feeds, the changes of that visual language and I am feeling exhausted by it. But I am also exhausted by a few messages that I have read from the push notification but haven't opened or responded to as well. In the days where I had more time to faff about the internet, I recall that I would need to wait in order to connect either because my phone was a simple brick with no pre-paid money charged on it, or because my laptop stayed at home.  

I have this blog that I draw myself to when I feel the need to articulate something around my art. Well "blog" suggests community and an opportunity for response, this is more like a whiteboard for thoughts that I can't quite put into speech or art. 

Recently when talking with a friend *in person* (fancy~) the discussion led to the anniversary of the all your base meme., a meme that both made us giggle on recollection. 

Weird that I picked 2010 as the reference point for this thought. In the wider social circles I found online it felt as though you would still be able to quote this in-joke and have a positive response from people despite the meme being 9 years old. I talked about this again with said friend a week later and we tried to think of what the longest living "recent meme" was and all we could come up with was the "get stick bugged lol". Then it turns out that was 5 years ago, not quite what I would call recent. 

This does really feel like an "old man yells at cloud" story at the moment, if you uuh... get that reference.   

Social media was around but I remember using mostly MSN and Forums for my communication and honestly, that is where my friends were. So even in saying something as wanky as "oh I wish i could stay away from my screens and/or phone" I remember racing at the end of the day to my computer so I could log on and talk to friends and read fanfic until ungodly hours of the morning. I guess now the pace feels so much faster and that you are always clocked in. 

At least on MSN you could set your status to an invisible "Offline". 

Be good,

Havra. 

2025 brought a lot change. Looking back there were a few things I am proudest of. 

I trialed an online stall and a physical stall. I committed to once a week sitting down with a friend to build this stall. 

Hope that 2026 can bring so much more! 

Be good,

Havra. 

Lately I have been drawing more for joy leaning into doing some fan arts. I recently played through Hollow Knight for the first time. 

Hollow Knight was a game that I wanted to play after seeing it as AvCon Staff around 2015. Somehow, I had developed the belief at this time that I am not good at games and thus, a metroidvania was not worth trying. 

Cut to 2025 and 3 key factors happen: Silksong suddenly drops, a friend messages to tell me she is one bottle of wine deep playing Hollow Knight, and I have a Steam Deck. 

To follow my inebriated friend, I started playing. Unlike 2015 I gave myself grace, patience and most importantly: time. I played without the expectation that I had to "be good" and instead played with the goal of exploration. 

And there it was, a feeling I had missed, something stirred that I had not felt in years. The joy of playing video games. 

As a mum it has felt very difficult to justify putting myself to tasks that are specifically for me rather than tasks that function for me and the household. 

I guess this is a show that I am re-learning how to enjoy what I love and it is showing in my art.

Thank you, Team Cherry. 

Be good,

Havra. 

I have been applying myself to this idea of branding and trying to find my style. Unlike when i was younger, I am actually finding it hard thinking of what to say when I post. I have made a few unsuccessful applications for local events recently and I fear much of it comes down to re-learning how to be present online. Or even simply how to do that in a healthy way. 

I guess this is me making a declaration to the universe that I am still here.  

I am still trying. 

I won't give up.

Be good,

Havra. 

"Make it Exist, Polish later" 

This is my current mantra that has been serving me well.  By beginning I then felt the pull to take the time to slowly paint and polish this paint. 

This work was inspired by the feeling I had watching Poi bubble videos online and I am proud of this work for 2 reasons: 

One - I really like how it turned out overall. I was so happy with how the colours came out and how the whole piece leans into the purple hues. 

Two - this feels like a statement or flagpost of some kind. one that I can refer back to and measure my progress against. 

It is all very exciting :)

Be good,

Havra. 

Building is hard, let's go shopping.

Setting up art stalls to work on has been the current task. For the first time I have an online store as well woohoo! So far I have a stall set up at my son's childcare and have put some applications in for stalls and around Adelaide.

My current pride and joy is my Mahjong plushie keychains, the hope is I can print more in line with my South Australian Mahjong tile designs!

 Now that we are coming up on the Christmas period I am hoping to do some more festive arts. I am not sure exactly where I will be displaying my work but hoping for something soon! 

Be good,

Havra. 

Today marks the day for a soft launch of this updated website and with it I begin to feel vulnerable. 

In preparation for this website launch I have been reading about marketing, branding and advertisement to get a better idea of what I want to present. 

What I do know is that I want to earnestly try to sell my art, creating things that communicate connection to this world and people. 

Despite much of what is provided to me in media these days I do believe in the good that people have and it being worth our love and care. 

The world feels infinite and much of what I read feels so far out of my control. When I seek connection to the world and my influence on it, I often find something inane and fanciful. 

In a world where cultivating being genuine seems an impossibility I will approach this as open as I can knowing that while this feels vulnerable for now, it has the potential to grow into something wonderful. 

As for how that looks in my art, I haven't figured that out yet. I do hope you keep an eye out for me on this journey and drop in when you can. 

Be good,

Havra.